A Beautiful Reminder

Jul 30

Posted by bettina in Personal | No Comments

“Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!” (Psalm 34:8 ESV)

All weekend the words from this verse kept replaying in my head. Sometimes it’s so easy to forget how amazing our Saviour is and yet the last couple days I have been in awe again at how good He truly is. My husband is romantic and surprised me big time this past weekend to celebrate our 11th anniversary. As I reflected on our 11 years of marriage, I was reminded of all the little things he has done for me. The way he compliments me often and the way he still looks at me are just a couple things that show me every day how he cares for me. I am thankful to have a man that loves me so dearly. Travis would tell you he feels it is part of his job as a husband to spoil me and make me feel special. That is so important to him. I often look at my children and think of the way that I love them and think how amazing it is that God loves them, and me, even more. This weekend I reflected on marriage and how God created it to show us how much more He loves us. All that Trav does for me to show me the way he cares for me and loves me is nothing compared to the way my Holy God cares for me. Wow!!! It just amazes me to write these thoughts down. How amazing that God chose marriage to show us a sliver of what He feels for us.

“The LORD is good”.

While we were away, I read a book in which the author shared the story of her past and how God redeemed her. It reminded me of the sin I was once entangled in. I was a sinner; I was on the path that leads to death, yet God opened my eyes from the darkness and blindness and redeemed me. The book reminded me of the first time I ever told Travis about my past and how he never flinched or made me feel guilty for it. Right after I told him he reminded me who I was, and who he saw me as, and he told me he didn’t care what I had done in my past. God not only saved me, but He gave me a husband who chose not to look at my past but chose to be with me and love me despite it. How wonderful is that? When I was in the hospital after trying to take my life a friend of mine gave me a card with this verse.

“Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert.” (Isaiah 43:19 ESV) 

I would look at this verse and think nope I don’t perceive it; I don’t see it and I don’t see a way through the wilderness I am in. Now life has radically changed. I would never have thought my life would be where it is today. This weekend I was reminded of how my life now isn’t perfect, but it is marvelous because Jesus chose to die for me so I could be free from my past, from my sins, from the terrible things I have done and from the wilderness I was once in.

“The LORD is good”.

Church on Sunday was different as we were all able to sing together again. How good it felt to raise our voices to the one who has held us through this past year, who has calmed our anxieties and worries and given us peace that as it says in Philippians 4:7, “surpasses all understanding”. We sang songs blessing Him, stating how majestic He is, how He is our rock and greatest treasure. It was so beautiful to be able to open our mouths and exalt the one true King.

“The LORD is good”.

Yesterday I got to see my sweet grandma. After a year of not being able to hug her, I was able to give her the biggest squeeze and I was able to sit with her in person, chat with her and catch up on how life has been for her. It was so special! I thank God for her health, that through this past year He has kept her well and she can still smile, laugh and tell me funny stories at 97 years old.

“The LORD is good”.

Oh yes, I see the goodness of God. It doesn’t mean life is perfect and there aren’t hardships but through my marriage, through my redemption story, through being able to sing with my brothers and sisters in Christ and through being able to embrace my grandma once again I saw His goodness and I was left humbled that He continues to refresh my mind and pour His truth into my life.

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17 Years Ago

Jan 11

Posted by travis in Personal | No Comments

I was done. All the stress, fear, sadness, and hopelessness had gotten to me. I felt like life wasn’t worth living anymore. I thought about the movie I had just seen. In the movie at the end the main character said goodbye to his close friends, got on a boat and you knew he was going far away to a place where he would never see his loved ones again. I watched that part of the movie thinking, I wish that were me. I wished I could get on a boat and go far away never to return to the life I was living. I was ready to give up on life. I had some dark, sad music on and my thoughts just swirled down in the deepest, darkest pit. There was absolutely no light I could see. I have heard people say you aren’t selfish when you commit suicide, but in my case I was selfish. I wasn’t thinking about my parents, my sisters, and my brother who loved me deeply. I wasn’t thinking of my niece and nephew and how my brother would have to one day explain to them what had happened to me, I wasn’t thinking about the friends who had been there for me. I was thinking of myself and the pain and brokenness I was in and had been feeling for so long. I wanted it over. I wanted it to end. Before I knew it, my thoughts had gotten away from me, and I tried to end my life.

I ended up in the hospital. A friend realized I wasn’t making sense when I talked to her and came to my house and found me. I don’t remember a lot. I lost conscience of what I was doing pretty fast. I remember waking up in the hospital and the doctors were trying to shove something horrible into my mouth. I remember taking a drink and then passing out again. I woke up in a room in the hospital and had to stay in that unit for a few weeks. The nurses and doctors were so helpful and caring and I was able to share things with them I hadn’t shared with anyone. Every day I had to go to classes, and by the end of my time at the hospital, I knew I would never try to take my own life again.

So what helped me?

  • A contract for life. This is something I signed with a friend when she knew I was down. I had a copy of the contract and it said that I promised to get a hold of her if I was ever feeling suicidal or felt like I was going to end my life. My friend’s contract said she would be there for me and try to help me if I wasn’t thinking rationally.
  • Writing down three memories that would bring joy to me when I would read them.
  • Writing down on another piece of paper names of people who I knew needed me in their lives. People like my little niece and nephew who adored me.
  • My sisters bought me a cat who I named Alastair. Somehow the comfort of that cat and the thought that I had to take care of him helped me to not want to leave him. He also made me smile a lot and at the time I needed that.

These may seem like silly or small things, but these things helped me when I was down. I know right now there are a lot of people that are down and feeling hopeless and feeling stuck and lonely. My hope for them is that they don’t get into a deep pit as I did. That they don’t let their minds race out of control without telling anyone until it is too late. If that is you I would tell you to share how you are feeling with someone you trust and can rely on. Sign a contract for life if you are down so that you can call, text, or message someone when your thoughts run where they shouldn’t. Write down reasons to live, people you love, thoughts and memories that make you happy, and keep them in your wallet, glove compartment, or somewhere where you can look at them when you are having a bad day.

Another thing I’d say. Look to the future. Even when it all seems bad and like it couldn’t get worse know that is a lie and know your life can turn around as mine did. Life can be good, life can be joyful and you can be happy. When I was in the darkest place I have ever been I never would have imagined where I am now. I’m not in a perfect life and there can still be some real struggles sometimes, but wow, I have been blessed. I am thankful that I can now recognize in myself if I am feeling down at all and that I can share with my husband, family, and close friends those feelings. It is so important to not hold the sadness in and I too have to remember that.

A year after this dark night God changed my life in a whole new way and that was and is so important to me too. If you ever want to ask me about it send me a personal message and I will happily share, but for this post, I wanted to share some practical things that helped me when my life was upside down in case it can help anyone reading this. Know I am there for you if you are feeling down. I know it’s hard to meet right now, but I will do what I can to stay connected with you on here and try to encourage you and remind you of blessings around you because trust me they are there.

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My Journey and the Power of Prayer

Jun 28

Posted by bettina in Personal | No Comments

Some pictures came up in my news feed this week. The day those pictures were taken I was in a lot of pain. I really wanted to go to the fair and enjoy the day with my boys, but felt like I couldn’t leave home for a long period of time for many health reasons. I had to think about how long we would be out and take some medicine so that I would be semi okay while watching my boys be excited over what they would see. I remember feeling a little down because I wished pains and symptoms would go away so I could truly enjoy the day not just an hour or two.

One thing I have loved about the church Travis and I attend is that once you become a member they assign you an elder who takes care of you and makes sure your family is okay. We have been assigned different elders throughout the years and some of them have offered to drop off meals for us when I was having a bad day with pain and was low on energy, they have come and prayed with us at our house, asked us for weekly prayer requests and have become good friends. I am so thankful for each one of them!!! As well at our church the pastors and elders meet every ‪‪Monday night‬‬ and pray together over the members of the church. They have a time where if you have a need you can go in and they will pray for you. Our elder’s wife at the time was praying for me. I shared with her that I felt like I wore a mask. When I was depressed I wore a mask of fake happiness and with my disease I wore a mask of healthiness. I had learned to live with the pain, but it was starting to wear on me a little more. Travis was amazing with it all and if he knew I was in too much pain to stand would always offer to make dinner and help me out. I am so thankful for a husband who understands my illness!

Shortly after the day this picture was taken our elder’s wife asked me if I would be willing to go and pray with the elders and pastors on a ‪‪Monday night‬‬. I felt extremely weird about it and went in lacking faith for sure. I thought I will get prayed for and I do believe God can heal, but I have had this chronic issue most of my life and it will probably still be there after this. I went and shared what was happening in my life with the elders and pastors. The head pastor anointed me with oil and they all laid hands on me and prayed for me.

“Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord” (James 5:14).

They prayed for healing over me and I can still remember some of the beautiful prayers that they said. They reminded me I was a precious daughter of the King and prayed my body would be healed.

To make this short after that day things changed. At first it was different symptoms fading and my mornings not being so bad and then the pains started getting less and less. I wasn’t having to take extra strength tylenol as much and my body seemed different. I can’t explain it, but I felt a change in my body. I remember thinking, “Wow Bettina, you woman of little faith. You went for prayer and thought it couldn’t happen and yet your God is big and can do powerful things.” It made me learn a lot!! I got pregnant again which shocked Trav and I at how fast it all happened because we had been told that I probably would never be able to have kids because of my illness. Now Jacek is almost two years old and I can say that my symptoms and the pains have changed drastically to the point that they are pretty much gone. Obviously no fairs, circuses, rodeos, shows are coming to town any time soon because of the current pandemic, but I am so grateful that I don’t have to worry about going out and being in extreme pain and that I can enjoy more things with my boys. You could say the change in my health is because I am getting older, or because I got pregnant with Jacek, or maybe just luck but I know there is a great God who can heal if he chooses and I believe he chose to heal me when the pastors and elders prayed over me. Maybe not completely, but I know in His time I will be healed that way and I am perfectly fine waiting for that. I know healing here on earth doesn’t happen to everyone. Only God can see the big picture of it all but even if my pains and symptoms come back full strength again I am thankful for this time God has showed me what life without intense pain is and I’m thankful for the strength I have had. Even if it does all come back I know that one day I will be in a place with absolutely no pain and that will be a glorious day.

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4).

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Reflections on Good Friday

Apr 10

Posted by travis in Personal | 2 Comments

April 10th. As I have mentioned in past blogs this date used to be the worst day of my life. A day someone I thought I trusted turned into a horrible monster and threatened my life which made me have to go into hiding for a while. My life was filled with fear and anxiety. Fear, every time I went out, drove down the street, walked into stores. Extreme fear!! Maybe that is why looking back at my life and going through what we are now I have worries and…I’m a germaphobe so this situation doesn’t help…but I am not dealing with major anxiety and huge fear like some are, because for me personally, I feel like this fear isn’t as big as what I have been through in my life. Funny how April 10th could be such a horrible day that I used to dread every year and then today April 10th, 2020 it is Good Friday, a day that is sad because it reminds me of what Jesus went through for all the horrible things I have done in my life, but wonderful because it reminds me that God chose to go through that pain and suffering for me. You see, before April 10th, 2003 my life was full of sin. I lived a double life believing at the time that if I died I would still go to heaven. I don’t believe that now. I know that what I was doing with my life back then and I truly believe it was not pleasing to God. I believe that if he had chosen to end my life back then I would now be in a place that will always freak me out and as the Bible says it is full of “weeping and gnashing of teeth”. I am so thankful that God sent his son Jesus as a gift to this world to die on the cross to save me from eternal punishment. That is my hope!! Jesus lived a sinless life and died on the cross and because He did when I confessed my sins and asked Him to forgive me he cleansed me. 

 “The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23).

God opened my eyes and showed me the truth and now I am so thankful that no matter what happens in life because I have put my trust in God I one day will be in His presence and I won’t have struggles, worries, or any kind of suffering. All will be perfect again and as I have heard one preacher say:  “I will enjoy the glory of God”. 

Thank you, Jesus, for dying on the cross for giving me such an amazing hope and for allowing there to be not extreme fear in my life but extreme light because I have you and in the end that is all that really matters. 😀

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Hope Amidst Natural Disasters

Oct 9

Posted by bettina in Personal | 1 Comment

September 19, 1985 I was standing by myself in our living room in Mexico City when all of a sudden I realized something was wrong. I could feel the whole earth beneath me moving and I wasn’t sure what was happening. I looked up and could see our chandelier swaying very strongly back and forth. From the kitchen I heard my mom talking to my brother and sister in a panicked voice and shortly after Mom explained to us that there had been an earthquake. The bus came for us to go to school so we got on the bus and went to school as we normally did. Only a little while after we had arrived at school I knew the earthquake must have been really bad. Some of my friends parents started arriving at the school and some came in crying and shaking as they grabbed their children and held them in their arms. By mid day they closed the school and sent all of the students home.

That afternoon we realized the extent of the earthquake. The earthquake had measured 7.8 on the Richter scale and we found out that many buildings had fallen down or had been damaged. One of the buildings that fell was where my dad’s office was. He had left for work and been downtown when the earthquake had happened. Dad had a colleague visiting from the United States and dad found him roaming the streets in his pajamas because his hotel had collapsed. Dad brought that man home and I remember seeing that man sitting in front of the TV but he was in so much shock he didn’t say much to any of us. More then 10,000 people died, 30,000 were injured and an estimated 250,000 were left homeless because of this earthquake. Mom and Dad collected blankets and handed them out to people who needed them and helped feed people in shelters. Mom and Dad took my brother, sisters and I to see my dad’s office and to see the damage that had been done. It was bad! We walked around and saw people going through the rubble of buildings and looking for survivors. While we were there I saw them pulling out people who were injured and people who were dead and it scared me.

That night I started thinking about death and what that meant and I started crying. Dad heard me crying and wanted to know what was wrong so I told him I was scared of another earthquake happening and of dying. Dad then proceeded to tell me about God and how he had sent his son Jesus to this earth to die on the cross for us and that if I devoted my life to Him that I could be saved and even if I died I would go to heaven and spend eternity with God. That was the first time I remember hearing the gospel and that night I prayed with my dad and asked God to forgive me for my sin and asked Him to be a part of my life.

Though I really believe that now looking back I did not truly understand what it meant to follow God, it was the first time I remember hearing the truth of God and heard about a man who had died for me and I believe this truth stuck in my head as I grew up, as I lived a double life and as I lived my life completely away from God. It was in my twenties that God reminded me again of His truth and when He chose to completely open my eyes and my life completely changed. However, I know that God used that earthquake to make me wonder about life and specifically my life and that He used Dad to speak into my life and tell me of a Saviour. He also used my Dad to be in Mexico City a couple weeks ago just after another big earthquake hit the city and Dad once again was able to help some people during this hard time. Dad told us that they are saying there are 190,000 buildings and houses that have been damaged by two earthquakes that have hit Mexico in the past month.  It hits me because I remember what the other earthquake was like but as I have prayed for Mexico I have been reminded of how God used the earthquake in 1985 in my life and my prayer and hope is that through this devastation people who feel like they have no hope will hear about the true hope. That they will hear about God and how he created everything perfectly for His glory; how because of sin man was separated from God but how God sent His son Jesus as a gift to this world to die on the cross to save us from eternal punishment. How now because Jesus lived a sinless life and died on the cross as 1 John 1:9 says “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”. That they would see that if they do this they will be changed forever and they will no longer have to fear death but will know that no matter what happens to them that they will one day spend eternity enjoying the glory of God.

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Life Since We Moved

Jun 6

Posted by bettina in Personal | No Comments

It has been 8 months since we moved into our home just outside of Orillia. People ask me all the time, “How do you like living there? How has it been?” So I thought I would write a little bit about our time here in our new home.

The truth is I can’t think of one time I have regretted moving here. I have been so grateful that God opened the doors for us and had it in His plans for us to live here. Ziah started school a week after we moved and though at the beginning it was horrible watching him sob as he got on the bus everyday he has adjusted well and now loves going to school to learn, play with his friends and go to the library. He has great teachers who say he is well behaved and say, “he is lovely!” 😍 It is crazy to think that in less than a month Ziah will be done JK and in three months I will have a child going into SK. He is out of the stage of singing Toby Mac all day and talking about towers, and now talks about the solar system and knows so much about it. He also draws many pictures of the solar system every single day. We know we have a smart little guy on our hands who has an incredible memory.

 

Just a few of the solar systems Ziah has drawn.

The first week after we moved we had horrible nights with Westyn. It was all new to him and he would wake up freaking out scared not knowing where he was. Thankfully it was only one bad week and after that he got used to his room and we don’t have nights like those anymore. Westyn missed Ziah when he first started school, but now has gotten used to walking to the bus stop to see his big brother off to school and loves his one on one time with Mommy.

Walking to the bus stop.

His favourite thing to do is put puzzles together and he is so good at them. It amazes me how fast he is at doing the ones he has. We have a park near our house and Westyn loves going there and is very independent in everything he does. Last weekend I couldn’t find pants that fit Westyn so I went to Ziah’s drawer and pulled out some jeans and sure enough Westyn and Ziah can now share clothes because they are pretty much the same size.

Travis continues to go to Brampton every Tuesday and Thursday but inspite of the drive he says he has no regrets about moving either. He says somedays he has long drives from the city, but he is always excited to know where he is coming home to. Since we now live close to the church we attend Travis has been able to help with set up at our church and enjoys that he is able to help out that way. I also was able to attend a class called E3 which gave us tools on evangelizing unbelievers. It was so good and though I was intimidated to take it I am so glad I did. My friend Rachel, who lives down the road, and I went to it together and after would sit in the car for hours talking about what we had learnt. So much information, and sometimes hard to keep up with it all, but it was a class I enjoyed and  learnt a lot from.

We have loved, loved, loved being in this neighborhood. Everyone we have met is so friendly and sometimes we feel like we’re in a movie because of how nice people are all around us. We have met some GREAT people who have become friends and I am so thankful for the people that God keeps placing in our lives. Also, having one of my “old friends” down the road has been so fun. We have already built some great memories together living so close and it’s great our kids can play together. We have also been able to look after each others kids and that has been so handy. Did I mention she has a new baby coming in July and I am so excited to be able to snuggle that little baby lots. I get to love another little boy. 😀

Looking at the Moon and Jupiter.

We feel so blessed to be where we are! I have enjoyed my privacy as I sit outside on our deck and have a cup of coffee in the morning. I love watching the boys run back and forth in the yard and try to chase the bunnies and birds that are all around us. The other day Travis and I even got to take snacks and drinks outside, wait till it was dark and see the Moon and Jupiter through a telescope. A couple days later we let Ziah see them too. Wow how fascinating! It was just like looking at a picture and it is so neat to once again admire God’s creation.

These past 8 months have just been great! We still have to have so many people over to our new place and we are excited for summer BBQ´s, gatherings and creating so many more memories in our home. 😀

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April 10th

Apr 10

Posted by bettina in Personal | No Comments

April 10th was once one of the worst days of my life. I used to dread whenever this day would come because it would remind me of a day that was filled with horror and changed my life. After that day I could not walk around malls and stores the same. My life became a movie where I would go around every aisle fearful of what I may find on the other side. I hid for a year and a half and only those I trusted and were close to me knew where I lived and what name to call me if they left a message on the answering machine.

I remember a year after everything happened some friends picked me up early in the morning and took me out for a fun day so I would not be thinking of what had happened the previous year. I remember one of my friends gave me a card and in it he wrote Isaiah 43:18-19 “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Sadly I didn’t listen to those verses and life became worse for me. I hated having post traumatic stress disorder, I couldn’t sleep and hated my life. I had so many great things around me but couldn’t see that because I was in this bubble of immense fear and hurt. I ended up falling into a deep depression, trying to take my own life and waking up in the hospital to the doctors saving me. I stayed in the hospital for two weeks and got out knowing I would never try to take my life again, but still wishing I was dead. I blamed the hurts I had against the church and man on God and decided life without Him was better. That’s when life became even worse. In my mind I thought I was happy and I would be for short periods but I got involved in things that weren’t right and all of a sudden life was filled with deep fear in a different way than I had ever experienced before. Ephesians 6:12 says “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places”. I experienced what that verse talks about.

September 3rd is a day I will never forget as that was the day I realized there was hope and when God used a song to open my eyes and make me realize that He was bigger than any powers the enemy had on me and any fears he was trying to put in my life. That day I knew that I didn’t care what attacks the enemy tried to throw at me that I wanted Him in my life more then anything. I knew at that moment God was greater and I asked Him to forgive me for all I had done against Him. Wow did life change after that! Sure I still have struggles and hardships but God changed my life completely and there is so much light in my life now. Who would have known that God would bless me with a man who’s birthday was on April 9th and many years go by now where on April 10th I don’t remember the bad day but I see it now as one that continues to be filled with so much gratefulness and awe towards God because I’m always remembering my husband and his life and what it means to me.

Yesterday in church as we sang one of the songs that we sang during worship at our wedding and then sang the song that Travis and I sing to our children every night as they fall asleep; I felt like crying. In the last couple of weeks I have had many tell me I don’t look my age. It makes me chuckle but it makes me remember life in my twenties and for me personally I am just glad that is over and I never have to go back for those were not my best years. Life in my thirties have been some of my best years. My life could have gone a different way but I am thankful that God delivered me from all I was trapped in and that I am where I am. I can’t imagine life without my husband who adores me, can’t imagine life without my oh so sweet and beautiful boys and I definitely cannot imagine what life would be like if I did not trust and believe in the King who reigns over all this world. The one who loves me more then I could ever imagine and the one who is constantly watching over me. It is because of Him that I can continue to have joy, hope and peace and it is because of Him the incidents that happened years ago do not dwell in my mind and I can be thankful for April 10th 2017 and everything that it brings.

“Month of Love”

Feb 7

Posted by bettina in Personal | No Comments

The other night I came home from a church meeting to a note by the door telling me to put on a formal dress that was hung over a chair. After following the instructions I walked into a candle lit setting with romantic music from the ‘90’s playing. Travis was all dressed up and he grabbed my hand and started dancing with me. Then he had 100 questions that he had found that we could ask each other to get to know each other more. He had snacks and drinks all ready too. It was such a sweet and romantic evening. It took me back to three months after we started dating; that day I got to Travis place and there was a note on the door that told me to go inside and go to his room, to close the door and sit down at the computer. So I did. In the room there was a note with instructions to go to a site on the computer, when I did there on the site was a really sweet video Travis had made for me of memories we had had together up to that point. Then it led to another site where he told me we were going out to eat right then and one day would go to the ROM together. He knew I had never been and wanted to do that. When I came out of the room Travis was sitting on the couch holding flowers in his hand. That day I realized Travis was potentially a keeper and I realized that right there in front of me I had a very romantic guy.

Nine years later I can say that Travis has continued to romance me. There are so many different times that he has completely surprised me and left me amazed at how good he is at planning things. I’m reminded again of that song that was sung at our wedding, “I wonder what God was thinking when He created you. I wonder if He knew everything I would need because He made all my dreams come true. When God made you He must have been thinking about me.”

If I am honest with you I can say I have had some pretty bad relationships. I have had men who didn’t appreciate me and who treated me not how God would have wanted them to treat me. I have been involved in really bad situations, and well, lets just say I was not treated like a princess, like I was special or like I was the only one. I remember there was a time where I got to a point that I thought I would never ever be able to trust a man again. I had been so hurt in the past I didn’t believe there were any good men out there anymore or that there were any men that would really care about me the way that I longed for. Before Travis came into my life I used to picture one day getting married but it isn’t what you think. I used to picture myself as a bride walking down the aisle marrying a guy but as I walked down the aisle the whole way down I thought, “I will marry this guy, but I will never trust him.” I believed that is what I would have to settle for. No man would ever love me right. I one day was going to marry a guy who would cheat on me and physically hurt me and I would have to be okay with that.

Well July 17th, 2010 I married my best friend and as I walked down the aisle looking at him it never once crossed my mind that I did not trust him. I was so excited to marry Travis, I knew he was a man that desired to follow God and knew he had eyes only for me. Nothing but complete trust and happiness was in my heart.

Vasquez Wed-167

 

Has our marriage been perfect? No! I don’t believe any one has the perfect marriage as I don’t believe anyone loves the way 1 Corinthians 13:4-8  tells us to love. I am pretty sure no husband or wife could say that they are always patient, always kind, never envious. I do believe though that we are supposed to continue to try to love the way God wants us to and that is what Travis and I try to do.

What I have seen in Travis and my marriage is that it is possible to trust again. Sure things are different then romantic movies, but it is possible to have a man sweep you off your feet, show you what it means to really be loved and respected and to be the one woman that he wants to be married to and be with for the rest of his life. It is possible to have a man that continues to shock you with surprises and to make you feel like you are so incredibly special, beautiful and everything he needs. So for this “month of love” I wanted to share with you a glimpse of the romantic side of Travis. I hope for those women that have been hurt by men that through my story you can see that it is possible to trust again. You don’t have to be afraid that every man will hurt you and you need to know that there are good, honest men out there who desire to follow God and put Him first therefore making them want to be respectful and loving men to you. Also if you are a woman that feels like you have done wrong in your life and no man will love you because of it, know that that is a lie from the enemy. Travis has always accepted me despite my past. The day I told him he did not flinch or act like he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He told me he didn’t care who I was and what I did in my past, that no matter what I told him it didn’t change anything and he saw me for who I was today. Travis has never used my past against me and has never looked at me differently because of it and for that I am so thankful. So thank you Travis for always seeing the new me and for loving me in a way I never, ever could have imagined.  All you have done for me and continue to do for me means so much and I am so grateful that God placed you in my life and that it is I who gets to be your wife. You are incredible. I LOVE YOU BABE!!!

A Joke Becomes Reality

Sep 23

Posted by bettina in Personal | No Comments

Many people have been asking me why Travis and I decided to move to Orillia, and so I decided to write a blog and share all that has happened in the last few months. I am a woman of detail and though that may annoy some that is just the way I am so I am warning you this is going to be a long story.

It all started back in April when my friend Rachel, another friend and I were out for a walk in Rachel’s neighbourhood. I had been looking around thinking how peaceful and beautiful it was and said “this is a really nice place to live.” Then we saw an amazing house and I joked around and said “That’s where I will live. That is my dream house.” I was totally kidding though. My “dream house” was not one Travis and I would purchase at this time in our lives. After that day Rachel would joke around with me when she was out for walks and text me saying, “I am walking by your dream house.” I would laugh and then continue on with my day.

Then Travis and I received an estimate in the mail on the amount our house could be sold for. It really made me wonder if this was a good time to sell. Travis and I always knew one day we wanted something with more privacy and a bigger yard for the boys to play in. I started looking on real estate sites for prices of houses. Rachel knew I was looking at houses online so she started jokingly texting me when a new house went up for sale in her neighborhood. I would look at it for fun but at that time didn’t really think we would ever move there. How could we? Travis works in Brampton two times a week and it seemed like it would be a long drive for him. Though I looked at houses and started having a desire to live in Orillia I never mentioned it to Travis. The more I looked at houses though I really started thinking how ideal it would be if we could live there. Our church family is there and there have been many times I have thought that if we lived closer it would be easier to be involved in our church. At this stage, with two little ones, it has been hard to help out in the ways we have wanted to and it has also been hard to attend different church events. How much easier would it be if we lived around the corner?

Then one day I saw this house and it just seemed like a perfect house for our family. I started praying about it. I wasn’t sure why I was having all these thoughts and desires to live in Orillia. I loved Barrie so why did I feel like maybe we were supposed to go there? Also, why would we move there when Travis works in Brampton some days? I kept praying trying to understand it all. As you may have read in my previous blog, when God first lead us to Redeemer City Campus I was the one who felt we were supposed to be there but kept quiet and prayed about it until one day Travis said he felt we were supposed to go to church there. It made me wonder if God was placing Orillia on my heart in the same way. Maybe there was a reason I was the first one to feel this way and then Travis was going to feel it? Was there a bigger reason for us to move to Orillia?

I shared my feelings with Rachel and expressed how I didn’t really understand what it all meant, I told her that I really believed that there was a reason why I was feeling this way and that I believed one day we would be living there. One day Rachel and some friends came over and she mentioned that I wanted to move to Orillia. Rachel didn’t know I hadn’t told Travis any of my feelings. Travis seemed shocked. “You want to move to Orillia?” I just laughed and left the room. When I came back the house I had been looking at was on our TV screen and Travis was looking at it with our friends. The friends were bugging him and saying, “Just move to Orillia. It isn’t that far.” That night in bed Travis randomly said, “Maybe we should move to Orillia. It would be a good time before Ziah starts school.” I was a little surprised. When I had the feelings that maybe we were supposed to be in Orillia I never thought it would happen in 2016. I was thinking it would happen like two years down the road. That night I had a dream that my friend Ali and I were walking around a house that Travis and I had just bought in Orillia, and it was 2016, before Ziah started school.

Time went on and I kept praying about everything I was feeling. I continued to look at the house I liked and prayed that the house would go down in price. It did. Travis and I continued to have talks about our future and one day living outside of the city, but of course the big concern was his work. I felt I needed to be honest with him and told him that yes I did want to move to Orillia but I would never want to do it if he felt it would be too far for him to drive to work. One night I sat in Rachel’s driveway and told her I really needed to pray and see if it was just me having selfish thoughts or if it was really God opening doors for us to move. Then I said, “Well I guess in five years we will see where we are.”

That weekend we were at our friends house for lunch. After lunch Travis asked me where that house was that I had liked. Trying not to act incredibly happy that he had asked me I showed him. Travis drove by the house twice very slowly and said he really liked it.  When we got home Travis was looking things up on his phone. He was on it for a long time so I finally went over to him and asked him what he was doing. He said, “nothing” and started laughing. I grabbed the phone away from him and he was looking at the house. I tried not to scream in excitement. I laughed and walked away. That night Travis spent a lot of time looking up details on the house, videos on the house, the schools in the area and the reviews on them. The next day he surprised me and told me he had booked a showing and we were going to see the house. He said he didn’t understand why, but he had been feeling like we were supposed to move too. He said that three months prior he had been sure Barrie was where we would be for awhile, but now he just didn’t feel that and he didn’t understand why. I asked him about the distance to work and told him I was worried about that, but he said he had realized it wasn’t really that far and most of the time it was only two times a week. He said he wanted to move out of the city and right now would be the best time because Ziah hadn’t started school.

To our surprise when we went the next day to see the house things were different than we thought. It was beautiful but there were just things that were different about it that we didn’t have in our house. We both walked away thinking this wasn’t the house for us, but knowing we wanted to move to Orillia and that we would continue looking at houses in that area. We believed there was a reason why we both felt like we were supposed to go there.

A couple weeks went by and I couldn’t get the house we had seen out of my head. I started thinking of the reasons why we didn’t like it and they were just silly. They were all material things and though some things were different there was so much that I loved about that house. I could picture the kids running in the private backyard, picture Travis playing hockey with the boys in the driveway and picture me playing in the room that I would make the kids area. One day when I had been on a walk I had seen little boys with rubber boots and little nets playing in the little pond by their house. I could picture my boys running in their rubber boots getting all nice and muddy looking for frogs. There was so much about the house and that neighbourhood that still was perfect for us. Travis and I never talked about the house after the day we saw it but I kept praying to God asking him to make me understand why I couldn’t get it out of my head. One day I was praying and asking God to show me if I was supposed to talk to Travis about it again. Then all of a sudden I listened and could hear Travis talking to his parents about the house. So later I said to him, “You can’t get it out of your head either?” He said he couldn’t. We decided to book a second showing. After we saw the house a second time we knew that we wanted the house and a couple days later decided to make an offer. After signing the documents we prayed God would open or close the doors and then sent them to the real estate agent. Soon after we heard that someone had just made an offer that day. We waited a week to find out what happened with the other offer. We had prayed for God to close the doors, and it seemed like He had, but it was hard to think that house that had seemed so perfect wasn’t going to be ours. We knew there was still a chance that the other offer could fall through but we just had to wait. As we looked at other houses in Orillia we didn’t see anything that compared to the house we liked. We tried to be open to new houses, but it was hard. I knew that God could still open doors if He chose to so, I prayed that if we were really supposed to get this house that something would happen and we would still be able to put our offer in. I also prayed that if we were not supposed to be owners of the house that we would have a peace and know God had something better for us. I knew no matter what that house would be special to us because it was the house that made us realize we were supposed to be in Orillia. There were so many verses I was reading in our RMM reading that week that stuck out to me and helped me have peace while we waited to find out what was going to happen. A week later we got an email saying that the buyers that had put in an offer were shaky and that we should be ready to put an offer in. The following day we found out the offer fell through and we were able to put in our offer. Two days later the sellers took our offer.

It has been bitter sweet. The night it all went through I was staring at Westyn as I rocked him to sleep and then I looked around his nursery. I pictured the nursery as it was when Ziah was a baby. I pictured monkeys everywhere and me rocking Ziah as a newborn. Then I pictured me sitting in that same rocking chair praying for Ziah when he was still inside me praying he was healthy and that everything that the doctors were telling us was wrong. Tears formed in my eyes as I thought of all these things. We have so many memories in this house and we have so many firsts with our boys here too, so, to say goodbye to this house is sad.

However we are really excited for what God has for us in Orillia. We are excited to be close to our church family and to be able to be used in the church more. I am excited for Ziah because we just found out a little boy he knows and goes to Awana with is moving from Barrie too and will be living just around the corner from us. Ziah and this little boy will be going to school together. I do believe there are even bigger reasons as to why we are moving to Orillia. I know God is a mysterious God and it is neat to know He already knows what we will be doing there ten years from now. I told Travis I am excited to see what God has in store and to be able to one day look back and say “that is why God called us to Orillia.”

Recalling

Mar 1

Posted by bettina in Personal, Uncategorized | No Comments

This week I was looking through old photos of Joziah’s first year. He is three years old now and even though I am a little late I really want to do a photo album of that time in his life. As I was going through the photos I found so many wonderful memories. The moment I first laid eyes on my baby boy and seeing a picture of Travis seeing Joziah for the first time. I was reminded of that moment of finally having the baby that the doctors had been so worried about, healthy in our arms.
I also saw photos of Kiara and Joziah. Oh, how many photos of those two I have and man were they cute as little babies.

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I even found a moment of when Joziah started sleeping with that monkey he still has to carry everywhere. It shows me how much he has loved that thing when I look at how nice and new the monkey looks in this picture. (I will say that the past two weeks he has traded that monkey for a hat he took from my dad which he says is TobyMac’s hat).      IMG_0538

As I was going through my different albums I came across this photo. This picture was taken the night before Travis and I ever attended First Baptist Church in Orillia. 🙂

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This picture took me back to remember the time when Travis and I knew the church that we had been attending was no longer where we were supposed to be. We knew God was calling us somewhere else but we didn’t know where. It is weird because I right away wondered if we were supposed to go outside of our hometown but thought that was kinda crazy. I mean really why would we go outside of Barrie when there were lots of churches right here in the town we live in? We searched for a church for over a year. We attended different churches but none we attended felt like it was the one we were supposed to be at. We started attending one church but I wasn’t happy there. I used to love to go to church and yet now I was struggling every Sunday to get up and go. It was hard! I had complete peace of leaving our old church, but did not have a peace attending the church we were at.

My friend Amanda knew my struggle with attending this church and knew how unhappy I was going to church every Sunday. She told me I should check out her church and I was willing but Travis was concerned about the distance. Amanda and I started praying that Travis would change his mind and be open to checking out First Baptist Church. Eventually Travis said we could go one Sunday but we weren’t going to be attending there. So the night before we went there, my friend Amanda and her husband came over for dinner and games. We took this picture and then we stayed up till late in the night talking about God and a hard topic that often comes up. To our surprise when we got to church the pastor was talking about this same topic and answered so many of the questions we had been struggling with. We were in shock and we learnt so much. I knew right away that this church was the one I wanted to continue to try out but Travis was hesitant. Though he enjoyed the speaking and music he still struggled with the distance. So we kept going to the church we had been attending and then sometimes would go to Redeemer City, which is a campus of First Baptist Church. Amanda and I continued to talk and pray and then all of a sudden I just had this peace. I really felt like God was telling me something was going to happen in three months. I had no idea what that meant but I told Amanda my feelings. I didn’t know what it all meant. Maybe it meant that in three months I would just start enjoying the place we had been going or maybe we would all of a sudden find another church we both enjoyed or maybe it meant we would start going to RCC. I wasn’t sure what the three months meant but all of a sudden I had a peace and left it all in God’s hands. I decided not to ask Travis anymore if he would consider RCC and just sat back as he decided each week where we would go. Then all of a sudden, three months after I had that feeling that God was telling me “wait three months” we were driving out of the parking lot of RCC and Travis said “I think we need to make this our new home church.” 🙂 🙂 🙂 I was so shocked but so happy. I couldn’t believe Travis had just said that but I was so excited to think of RCC and our future there.

Week after week we learn something new from the Bible. We have enjoyed the teaching so much and are so thankful we are at a church that is not scared to preach about controversial issues. We do a family devotional tool with Joziah that was developed by the church and we are so proud of the way Joziah is learning the answers to the questions. He knows the answers to questions like:

  • “Are there more Gods than one?”
  • “In how many persons does this one God exist?”
  •  “Who are they?”
  •  “How many books are in the Bible?”
  • “Why did God make you and all things?”

He still answers, “Adam and Steve” when Travis asks him who our first parents were but we know one day he will say, “Adam and Eve.” Travis and I have grown in our relationship with God and continue to want to learn more and more. We do the RMM which is a Bible reading plan that the church does together and I have a friend who is my accountability partner. Speaking of friends we have been so incredibly blessed by friendships at this church. God has placed some amazing people in our life that I just can’t imagine my life without. Every week I have one or more people text me, message me and ask me what they can pray for. Travis and I have loved being able to have deep conversations about the Bible and God with numerous of those friends and we are just so thankful for our church family and all the memories we have already made with them. Years ago we never would have imagined that God would lead us to Orillia to church but I am so happy that He opened the door and that He had plans for the Gosselin family at Redeemer City Campus. 