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Recalling

This week I was looking through old photos of Joziah’s first year. He is three years old now and even though I am a little late I really want to do a photo album of that time in his life. As I was going through the photos I found so many wonderful memories. The moment I first laid eyes on my baby boy and seeing a picture of Travis seeing Joziah for the first time. I was reminded of that moment of finally having the baby that the doctors had been so worried about, healthy in our arms.
I also saw photos of Kiara and Joziah. Oh, how many photos of those two I have and man were they cute as little babies.

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I even found a moment of when Joziah started sleeping with that monkey he still has to carry everywhere. It shows me how much he has loved that thing when I look at how nice and new the monkey looks in this picture. (I will say that the past two weeks he has traded that monkey for a hat he took from my dad which he says is TobyMac’s hat).      IMG_0538

As I was going through my different albums I came across this photo. This picture was taken the night before Travis and I ever attended First Baptist Church in Orillia. 🙂

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This picture took me back to remember the time when Travis and I knew the church that we had been attending was no longer where we were supposed to be. We knew God was calling us somewhere else but we didn’t know where. It is weird because I right away wondered if we were supposed to go outside of our hometown but thought that was kinda crazy. I mean really why would we go outside of Barrie when there were lots of churches right here in the town we live in? We searched for a church for over a year. We attended different churches but none we attended felt like it was the one we were supposed to be at. We started attending one church but I wasn’t happy there. I used to love to go to church and yet now I was struggling every Sunday to get up and go. It was hard! I had complete peace of leaving our old church, but did not have a peace attending the church we were at.

My friend Amanda knew my struggle with attending this church and knew how unhappy I was going to church every Sunday. She told me I should check out her church and I was willing but Travis was concerned about the distance. Amanda and I started praying that Travis would change his mind and be open to checking out First Baptist Church. Eventually Travis said we could go one Sunday but we weren’t going to be attending there. So the night before we went there, my friend Amanda and her husband came over for dinner and games. We took this picture and then we stayed up till late in the night talking about God and a hard topic that often comes up. To our surprise when we got to church the pastor was talking about this same topic and answered so many of the questions we had been struggling with. We were in shock and we learnt so much. I knew right away that this church was the one I wanted to continue to try out but Travis was hesitant. Though he enjoyed the speaking and music he still struggled with the distance. So we kept going to the church we had been attending and then sometimes would go to Redeemer City, which is a campus of First Baptist Church. Amanda and I continued to talk and pray and then all of a sudden I just had this peace. I really felt like God was telling me something was going to happen in three months. I had no idea what that meant but I told Amanda my feelings. I didn’t know what it all meant. Maybe it meant that in three months I would just start enjoying the place we had been going or maybe we would all of a sudden find another church we both enjoyed or maybe it meant we would start going to RCC. I wasn’t sure what the three months meant but all of a sudden I had a peace and left it all in God’s hands. I decided not to ask Travis anymore if he would consider RCC and just sat back as he decided each week where we would go. Then all of a sudden, three months after I had that feeling that God was telling me “wait three months” we were driving out of the parking lot of RCC and Travis said “I think we need to make this our new home church.” 🙂 🙂 🙂 I was so shocked but so happy. I couldn’t believe Travis had just said that but I was so excited to think of RCC and our future there.

Week after week we learn something new from the Bible. We have enjoyed the teaching so much and are so thankful we are at a church that is not scared to preach about controversial issues. We do a family devotional tool with Joziah that was developed by the church and we are so proud of the way Joziah is learning the answers to the questions. He knows the answers to questions like:

  • “Are there more Gods than one?”
  • “In how many persons does this one God exist?”
  •  “Who are they?”
  •  “How many books are in the Bible?”
  • “Why did God make you and all things?”

He still answers, “Adam and Steve” when Travis asks him who our first parents were but we know one day he will say, “Adam and Eve.” Travis and I have grown in our relationship with God and continue to want to learn more and more. We do the RMM which is a Bible reading plan that the church does together and I have a friend who is my accountability partner. Speaking of friends we have been so incredibly blessed by friendships at this church. God has placed some amazing people in our life that I just can’t imagine my life without. Every week I have one or more people text me, message me and ask me what they can pray for. Travis and I have loved being able to have deep conversations about the Bible and God with numerous of those friends and we are just so thankful for our church family and all the memories we have already made with them. Years ago we never would have imagined that God would lead us to Orillia to church but I am so happy that He opened the door and that He had plans for the Gosselin family at Redeemer City Campus. 

Reflecting Back

A couple months ago I was driving downtown in an area that is not the nicest of the city I live in. As I drove down the road and saw the construction in front of me I also noticed a woman walking down the road and it was very obvious she was someone who used her body to get money. I couldn’t help but look at this woman and see her dark sunglasses that were on her almost as if trying to hide the person underneath. She had a huge wig on and everything about her just seemed like it was this mask and not really who she was. As I got closer I realized this woman that I had been watching was once my roommate.

Years ago when I left the church after being incredibly hurt I moved in with some people that were not in the healthiest place. Two of the women I shared a house with used their body to get money and I very quickly learned what their job really made them do and all that went on in that industry. It was sad but what made me even sadder was when I heard the background of these women’s life story. Both had very sad situations happen in their lives and they kinda gave up and got into things that were not good and ended up needing money and found the industry they were in an easy way to be able to pay their bills. The truth is while I lived life away from God and lived with my two friends I got to know their bosses and I too was offered a job if I wanted it. I thought about it but something about all I had learnt as a child and growing up kept me from making the decision to go that route. I am so thankful that God saved me and that even back then I made the decision to step away and not get involved in what my roommates were doing.

Watching my old roommate walking down the road made me so sad! To see this woman I knew and lived with and see she was still hurting and living the life she probably never grew up wanting made my heart ache for her. On September third it will have been ten years since God opened my eyes and made me realize truth and changed my life completely. Sadly it would appear it’s been ten years that my old friend has continued to be in a horrible industry and probably has continued to experience more hurt in her life. How I wished I had realized it was her sooner and I could have stopped to talk to her. I have driven down that road many times now and every time I am there I drive very slowly looking very closely at everyone around trying to look out for her but…I haven’t found her. I really hope that one day I can run into her again and can share about God and his salvation and how He has changed my life and how He can change hers.

It still amazes me where I am today. Lately the song that has really hit me is “Creation Calls” by Brian Doerksen. One line this song says in the verse is “A newborns cry at birth”; man how that hits me now. I know I was amazed by what God creates when Joziah was born but I don’t know this time with Westyn my whole birthing experience was different and just to hear my baby’s first cry, to hold that little precious baby with wrinkly skin in my arms and to stare at his little details just really hit me again in a new way. It was so amazing when the midwife examined and showed us all these little things about Westyn’s body making sure he was healthy. It made me be in awe and I still get teary eyed thinking about it.

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That’s why this song has been on my mind lately. How could I have ever been in a place where I believed there was no God, where I believed that everything my parents told me and taught me was a lie? I was so hurt and betrayed I blamed it on God. I can remember the absolute sick feeling I felt when others would talk about God around me or would pray around me and how I would want them to just stop talking and praying to God. How blinded was I by Satan to not see that everything around me is spectacularly made by God?

I have been praying for my old roommate and will continue to. I hope one day she too will experience life in a whole new way and she will know what it is like to have her eyes opened up and she’ll be able to understand what Gods love is all about. May she one day be changed and look at life differently. May she want to please God in every area of her life and may she too hear the words to this song and sing,

“How could I say there is no God?
When all around creation calls!!
A singing bird, a mighty tree,
The vast expanse of open sea”

Our Little Baby Boy

On October 24th Joziah Enrique David Gosselin was born weighing 8 lbs and 8 oz.  He is such a precious little guy who makes us laugh so much because he already has quite the little personality; he is also such a good baby. I couldn’t have asked for a better baby as he sleeps tons and only wakes up once or twice a night. He has lots of dark hair and dark eyes and is definitely a mix of Travis and I.

Physically I had a really good pregnancy. I had some nausea at the beginning and was extremely tired but after the first three months I felt great and felt like I had a lot of energy. Emotionally, however, it was a different story and Travis and I went through a lot of different emotions and at times felt like we were on an emotional rollercoaster.

At around three months I had a scare with the baby. It was horrible sitting in the ER waiting to find out if the baby was okay. It is one thing when you go into the ER for your health and you can tell if you are feeling worse or getting better, but it is another thing to have no idea what is going on inside of you. As I lay waiting for results and for the doctor to come in and tell us what was going on I remember praying to God and thinking that I would go through any pain just to make sure that my baby was okay. It was such a relief when we had an ultrasound and saw the baby moving. We were told baby seemed good, however, we needed to have a thorough ultrasound to make sure that everything was good
and that baby was healthy.

That same week I went and had a thorough ultrasound. Travis was present at the ultrasound and we found out we were having a baby boy. I can still see Travis massive smile when he realized he was going to have a son. We were so excited and thought everything seemed good until we went to the doctor that week and were told that they had found a spot on our baby’s liver and his heart. The thing was they didn’t know what this meant. I was told to not worry about the spot on the baby’s heart, but was told we were being sent to a hospital in Toronto to figure out what the spot on his liver was. A couple weeks later Travis and I went to Toronto. It was horrible lying on the bed in the hospital, getting an ultrasound done while hearing a couple doctors talk about my baby as if I wasn’t in the room.

Travis and I decided at the beginning of my pregnancy that we wanted to have the genetic testing done. We decided that we wanted to be prepared if our baby did have any illness or was going to need some extra care. Our tests had all come back negative, but when we were in Toronto the doctor told us that the tests could be wrong and that our baby could have problems. Also, he told us that our baby had a calcification on his liver and two on his lungs. The weird thing was they still couldn’t tell us what this meant. They weren’t worried about the baby’s health at the time, but were more worried what might happen once baby came. They also seemed to be really concerned about the lung spots and wanted to keep an eye on it. Even though I was over four months pregnant the doctor asked Travis and I if we were sure we wanted to keep the baby. I can still remember how shocked and sickened I was when I heard this. How could they even offer us that option? Travis said firmly that even if our baby had health issues we were keeping him. We ended up having to go to the hospital in Toronto a couple of
times and each time I had to get more tests done and we were told they still didn’t know what was going on with our baby. Each time we went we were again asked if we were sure we wanted to keep the baby. :S

It was a really hard time for Travis and I and yet I saw how perfect we were for each other through all this. At our wedding the song “When God Made You” was sung and I thought of those words so much through all of this because it was so true in our situation. “I wonder what God was thinking when He created you. I wonder if He knew everything I would need because He made all my dreams come true. When God made you He must have been thinking about me.” God knew I would need a husband like Travis. When I was down and couldn’t stop crying from the bad news we were hearing Travis was my strength making me realize we needed to continue to have faith and trust in God to heal our baby. He constantly reminded me that in the end it didn’t matter what doctors said…God could heal our baby. Also, there were times that Travis was
down and hurting and I was somehow able to be strong for him and help him think positively. It was just neat how God made one of us strong when the other was weak.

We decided to not share what was happening publicly with everyone and only shared with some friends and our families who were amazing prayer warriors and encouraged us incredibly. They were so positive the whole time and it really helped us to continue to be strong and continue to have faith that God could make these “spots” go away.

I decided to sing “Still” by Hillsong to my baby every day. I changed the words a bit and sang “Hide him now under your wing; cover him within your mighty hand.” I totally believed God had his hand on my baby and was looking after him. I spent time praying to God that He would heal my baby and Travis and I prayed the same thing together. I found Psalm 28:7 “My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song” and believed that everything would be fine and that my baby boy would be born with no problems. It was a verse I held onto when I felt like I was losing faith.

One month before I gave birth I had another ultrasound, but this time we didn’t have to go to Toronto. Though the technicians aren’t really supposed to tell you what is going on during the ultrasound my technician asked me what exactly had gone on and what exactly she should be looking for. I told her our whole experience and she did the ultrasound, but then got her supervisor to come in and look too. I could hear them talking. They said that the liver calcification was a lot smaller and the lung calcifications….they couldn’t find. They kept trying to look for them and finally the supervisor said, “Hmmm they must have evaporated. They aren’t there anymore.”

I could have cried right at that moment. I knew they had not just evaporated but that God had answered our prayers and had healed our little guy. Yes there was a liver spot still, but it had gotten smaller and the doctors didn’t seem as concerned about that one.

As you all know our baby was born and is a healthy little boy. At the hospital he had to have x-rays and an ultrasound but everything came out great. The neo natal doctor said that he still has a liver calcification, however, he said it could be like a birth mark on him that he always has and is not concerned about it at all. He said we could continue to do tests on him but he didn’t think we needed to when he looked so healthy and did all the things newborns should. The neo natal doctor had also told us that once the baby was born we would probably have to do chromosome testing but once he saw our baby he said he didn’t see any reason to do that. We are so excited and we are so thankful to God that
there were no complications when our baby was born. Our baby is a blessing and even though he is not even a month old he has a story to share of how God healed his little body and so that is why Travis and I decided to call him Joziah which is a Hebrew name and means the Lord has healed! God has done big things in his life already and we are excited to see what God continues to do
in his life. 🙂

Joziah Enrique David Gosselin